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The Assinine Observations of a Boy #1 I hate Calculus [ONESHOT]

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The Assinine Observations of a Boy #1 I hate Calculus [ONESHOT]

Post by YoungX on Sat Jul 29, 2017 11:01 pm

On March 30, 2016, I wrote and posted a parody of Taob. Much of it's humor was taken in inspiration and homage to Yugioh the Abridged Series and while I'm sure people had enjoyed it, nowadays I'm wondering if I could've done better. In honor of it's late one year anniversary, I have written this horrific oneshot remake. Please enjoy while I go ready the revolver.

Pilot:


You ever go to school and say to yourself, "Why do we have to take Calculus?" Some may answer with "Because you have to" while some smartasses are going to reply with "Because it involves your ability to process logistics and combine your known knowledge in algebra and trigonometry." See thats all well and dandy but that's not why we're today. Maybe you wished that you didn't have to attend normal school, go to college and end up finding yourself wanting to strangle your female co-worker because she believes in that "gamer gate" bullcrap? Well I'm sure most people don't enjoy school or work but hey you've got memories and that's all fine and dandy.

Ever wanted to attend a private school on an Island where you primarily learn to play an extremely popular card game that surpasses League of Legends in popularity? Welcome to Alpha Knight Academy, a fine institute devoid of SJWs, Tumblr, "Feminists", fidget spinners, and a time where Flash Animations were still a thing on Newgrounds. Why? Because it's the year 2002 silly and that's the year that damn Gundam Seed came out.

Fuck me this is going to suck ain't it? Sigh... I knew I should've gone for Information Systems... no Calculus...
[Skip to 0 to start the intro. End after a good point.]
Anthony: Hey Dirk I just came up with this really funny joke.

Dirk: Well let's hear it.

Anthony: Alright so a fish and a shark walk into a bar.

Dirk: W-w-w-w-ait a second a there boy. A fish and a shark? Wouldn't the shark eat the fish?

Anthony: No because the shark is a vegetarian. You know like that movie "Shark Tales?"

Dirk: Oh... I hated that movie. Anyways go on.

Anthony: Alright so a fish and a shark walk into a bar. The bartender goes, "What can I get you fellas tonight?" The shark goes "I'll have a pine colada please." The bartender nods and looks to the fish and asks him, "And you?" After a brief moment the fish says, "I'd like some alcohol." So the bartender gets them their drink and decides to ask their names. Shark goes "Name's Willis," and the fish goes "I'm Rick Perry. I'm an Ofishcial."

Dirk: ... Was that the joke? An Ofishcial?

Anthony: Ut ut ut! I'm stil going. Anyways the bartender then gives the drink to the shark but the fish gets a watered down drink. The bartender goes, "Sorry. I'm afraid you might get drunk!" *Starts laughing*

Dirk: .... The fuck was that?

Anthony: *Still laughing* "N-noo.. *laughing* it's just that... *laughing* Rick Perry... is a government ofishcial *laughing out loud* and... and he got drunk in Texas! *LAUGHING*

Dirk: Thank you for wasting 5 minutes of my life. So can we please go and pick up those kids?

Anthony: Whoa you a pedo?

Dirk: ...Goddammit I meant GET THE KIDS ON THE DAMN SHIP!!!

Anthony: Oooooooooooh. Alright let's go.

Dirk: Jesus Christ...

The Docks
Allison: Alright so I'm finally here. Gonna go to that school and become a dueling pro. Soon I will win a Shonen Jump Championship! Then I'll use the prize money on that Dolphin Surgery I've always wanted. *Gets on the ship*

Morgan: God that's a big boat. They better have some refreshments. Otherwise this would be the worst free ride I've ever been on since the S.S Anne. Seriously who the hell gives a kid a free boat ticket only to have to rub some seasick Captain's back. *Gets on the ship*

Daichi the man, with his white hair, comes strolling along. "Oh yeah. I AM PUMPED. This is my chance homie. I'm gonna pick up chicks with this white hair and nothing ain't stopping me today. Yeaaaaah boi. *Gets on the ship*

Anne: Oh damn that's a big boat. I wonder if they have those free complementary gluten-free snacks. Seriously walking around this place almost makes me wish for a nuclear winter... Why did I say that? *Gets on the ship*

Lydia walks toward the boat with a pimp cane in hand. "Shit my bois exposing dem niggas on Worldstar!" *Checks her phone* "Damn boy nigga looked turnt as fuuuuck!" *Struts on the ship*

Everett's thoughts: Dear dead father, I'm going to finally accomplish my dream of becoming the best duelist I could ever be. I know I'll make you proud. Yes today is the day I begin my long winded journey into becoming true overlord of this Earth with card game. HEIL ZE FUHRER!!!!! *Walks on ship with a blank stare*

Jasper: Alright let's- *Gets cut off because nothing important here*

On the Boat
Daichi [To Lydia]: And that's when I realized that the DNA Evidence had been tampered with!

Lydia [Ignoring Daichi while looking at Worldstar through her phone]: Damn they exposing dem niggas yo! Her thoughts: Da fuck is dis scrawny poor-as-fuck non-ghetto white boi sayin?

Green Witch: [To Dirk]: So... I met this cute girl on the internet. Profile pic says she's half-Japanese, half-Korean. We just talk on chats and stuff.. might meet her someday but she's far away and her webcam is broken. So I've been forwarding her some money with my mom's credit card.

Dirk [To Green Witch]: Wow for real? If you ever meet her then tell me. They used to call me Deathstroke!

Anthony: Alright alright... Everybody settle down for a moment. We'll be heading off to Alpha Knight Academy as we speak so if your seasick then trashcan is over there. So listen up and listen up good you little shits! I don't know how things work where you live but at the AKA I expect people to follow orders as given. We'll probably get shut down within a few months or so due to inactivity but hey just make the most of it. Alright dismissed.

Meanwhile...

Dirk [To Anthony]: And that's when I realized that the DNA Evidence had been tampered with!

Anthony [To Dirk] :*Shows him Thousand Eyes Idol* Ya see this? See how it's attack and defense values are 0? Yeah that's how many fucks I just gave.

Dirk [To Anthony]: So..... wanna hear a joke?

Anthony [To Dirk]: *Groans*

Well time to use that revolver now. Thanks for reading and a great ol late one year anniversary for Taob!

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YoungX
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